Cat View of Life

How to Get What You Want

(and not have to do anything you don't want to do)

Territory - You need to show Tom next door who the boss is. Walk into his garden with your head and tail held high. Go to his food bowl and help yourself. If he comes near you show your teeth and claws. If this doesn't frighten him slowly exit from the nearest hedge. Next time remember to bring a few strays with you!
Sleep - The most important rule is to find somewhere warm and cosy. A basket of freshly washed clothes is ideal. Just bury yourself under the clothes and the human will not know you are there. New clothes also make excellent sleeping materials. However it is important to roll on them first to get your hairs and smells on them. I find that the top of the rubbish bin makes a good snoozing place. The smell that seeps through the bin makes for a great sleeping potion!
Scratching Post - Humans will bring in a piece of wood with funny materials on it. If you are lucky you may also get a few toys dangling from it. Humans will expect you to manicure your nails on this. Ha, the thought of it! Why do we need this when we have the carpet and furniture!
Weather - Sun is good! Rain, snow, wind and any other type of weather is bad! If a human tries to put you outside in bad weather rub aginst their legs and meow. This usually does the trick. If this doesn't work then hide. Tops of kitchen cupboards or under the kitchen table are good hiding places.
Party - Summer is per-fect party time! Humans disappear for a week or two. You may also disappear for a week. (This doesn't concern me so you will have to make your own plans for this one). If other humans are taking care of you then this is what you do. Invite the catclub gang round (the coolest cats around), eat all the food that is supposed to last you for the next couple of days, meow all night and party party party!!!!!